Welcome to the third episode (of four) in the series “The Complete Guide to Creating Your Self Storage Business Strategy.”

 We have been talking about the three elements that determine our success in achieving any vision or goal:

1. Mental state
2. The stories we tell ourselves, and,
3. The strategies.

These are listed in the order of importance.  As humans, though, we gravitate immediately and almost without exception to number 3.  I do it as a teacher because it is the easiest thing to do. We do it as students because it is the easiest and most satisfying for the mind to focus on.

 If you haven’t seen or read the first two episodes in this series, stop now, click HERE, and watch.

 Last week we dove deep into State, or mental states. We covered ways to create a mental state that supports what your self storage business needs for success.

 What I have discovered while working with people is that when they are jammed up, not achieving what they want for their business, it’s usually a function of state or story. It’s not a strategy that’s blocking them.

 I recently wrote a series on True Wealth.  We went through several exercises to work through the stories we tell ourselves about our relationship to success and money. If you haven’t worked through those episodes already, now would be a good time since they lay the framework for what we’re discussing in this episode.

 What I have discovered and marvel at is the power of the human mind.

 The mind literally creates the reality we live into.

What I have found astounding is that most of the reality (stories) we live in were

1. created by us,
2. created unconsciously, and
3. were created most often when we were very young, sometimes even pre-verbal.

 Something happened to us or around us. That event generated a feeling or emotion. We then created a story (consciously or not) about what happened, why, and what it means about ourselves and the world.

 That dialog, that story, is so real for us, we never question it. It just runs in the background and we don’t even see it.

 For example, I was adopted when I was six months old.

 Obviously, at six months old I wasn’t talking a lot and didn’t have a lot of experience processing feelings. But I did experience (pre-verbal) abandonment.

 In my life it became very important to me to be accepted. First and most importantly by my adoptive parents. As I got older I craved acceptance by other groups and my peers.

 I didn’t realize that story was running in the background but my experience at that age was that bad things, awful feeling, even death could happen if I wasn’t accepted. Accepted later turned into being liked.

 Imagine how a person with that story running in the background 24/7 would approach peer groups, friends and later business partners, lovers, my wife and even my children.

 I didn’t realize that my reactions were over the top if I felt rejected. I didn’t even have to be rejected, just the possibility of it created stark terror.

 Want to go on a date with me?

 Want to invest with me?

 More stories.

 My adoptive Father grew up wealthy, then his family lost everything in the depression. He had his own set of stories. However, one imparted to me was winning, or success, is very important because you never know what’s around the corner.

 I didn’t realize it, but I had success linked up to being accepted and loved by him. (Not unique to me. This is very common in our culture with boys and men).

 When I failed, (which if you are in business, you get to fail all the time), my reaction to failure was very wired. Over the top.

 It was like life or death.

 It was more important to me that you see me as successful than actually being successful.

 Want to be my partner?

 I could go on for a long time. But I won’t.

 I really don’t care where the stories came from (sorry Therapist). And I don’t want to dwell on them. I just want to uncover them, because Once Your Stories See The Light Of Day, They No Longer Have Power.

 Unconscious, they run in the background and control what’s possible. Uncovered, they have little or no power and you can then create a new story.

 Yes, our lives are run by the stories we create. We think our stories reflect reality, but the reality is we made them up.

 Make up different ones. Ones that support you.

Discovering Your Story:

Step One:

When something is happening that is jamming you up, (failure is happening again, one more deal is lost, deals just keeps getting extended, etc.), stop the action. Pause and ask yourself “Is this a familiar situation? Is this a familiar feeling?”

 (You can also use this in relationships with family members when the same issue comes up repeatedly, or any area of your life)

 If the answer is “Yes,” go to Step Two.

 Step Two:

Ask yourself “When was a recent time this same kind of situation and feeling arose?”

 (Don’t dwell in the feeling, just ask “has it happened recently”…yes…no…when?)

 Step Three:

Next, ask yourself “When was the earliest time I can remember this happening?”

 (Not the exact thing happening, something that triggered the feeling associated with the current situation. HINT: You were young)

 It’s also important to know it doesn’t have to be exact…it probably won’t…. just remember the best you can what happened…. how it made you feel.

Step Four:

Ask yourself, “What did I tell myself about what happened and what did I tell myself about me?”

Everything that happens to us we dialog about, so this shouldn’t be too hard. Just remember to use the language of the age you were…i.e. 4-year-olds who are scared don’t use big words.

 HINT: Avoid the temptation to dwell in the event, feel sorry for yourself or the younger you, or get too wrapped up in the feeling or story. You only want to see it.

 Now you have your story.

 It has evolved and become more sophisticated over the years, but the story is there, now exposed.

 The hard work is done.

 Changing Your Story

 Step One:

Ask, “IS IT TRUE?”

 The first temptation is to default to “Yes,” but pause, ask the question 3 or 4 times. Is it true? Is it really true?)

Example:  a teacher, parent, etc. says something like “You always screw things up.”

 You say to yourself something like …” I am a bad person and I always mess up what I’m doing.”

 That story in the background may show up in your life as almost achieving, falling short, getting to the goal line, but not scoring.

 So you would ask, “Is it true I always mess up?”

 At first you might say, “Yes” and have a lot of examples. But then ask yourself, “Is it Really True?”  Then you would begin to see that no, there are things you have done well, achieved and won at.)

 HINT: If the story is very solid then ask “Is It Possible I Could Be Misreading The Situation?”

 Remember, the story could be valid, but that is different from the Truth. There could be evidence for it, but know that no matter what story was created, there will be evidence for it.

 Step Two:

Ask yourself “Does this story, which is not necessarily true, serve me? Do I want to keep it going?”

Simple YES or NO. HINT: Most likely NO.

Step Three:

Ask yourself “What is another story I could create that serves me better?”

 Example from above: I could create a New Story Called WHEN I MAKE MISTAKES OR HAVE SETBACKS, I NEVER GIVE UP UNTIL I SUCCEED.

 You already have evidence for this story because you have succeeded at things in your life.

 You are not looking for the truth; you are creating an empowering story.

 Now, in the example above, over time, when you experience that same familiar feeling, or sensation in the body (it usually starts with tightness in shoulders for me), you would just repeat the new story. WHEN I MAKE MISTAKES OR HAVE SETBACKS, I NEVER GIVE UP UNTIL I SUCCEED.

 Again, what does this have to do with self storage and the self storage business?

 Everything!

 If you have low energy and a mental state that is not a match for what you are creating for your business or life, and/or if the background stories running your life are negative and disempowering, NO strategies or business plan will succeed.

 As a business owner, you owe it to yourself, your family, your employees, your partners, and your customers to live a self-examined and self-created life.

 This is one of the best parts of being a business owner.

 Here is the benefit of this style of living and business creation:

Once you start this, you will get to the point you will not tolerate anything less than full empowerment in any area of your life.

In fact, now I have “The Ten Minute Rule.”

 If I am jammed up, tense, upset over some person, event, or situation going on in any area of my business or personal life; I allow myself no more than ten minutes to be there. Then I alter the story I have about what’s going on and my relationship to it.

 I am not perfect at it… but what a life and what a business!

 You are creating your self storage business to provide something for you and your family, right?

 A large part of what could be provided is something well beyond just money; it could be living a created life where you get to say what is SO.